I think I’ve discovered my life’s calling: writing headlines. Now I just have to find someplace that values that skill that’ll hire me (and Neil…? Where’s my retroactive pay for the BnB? *grin*).

Anyway, I digress. Everytime I go somewhere with my permanent roomie, I always notice that when nature calls, I can dash in and out in a flash, while she (and any other female in our company) takes three or four times as long. I know there are practical reasons for gender separation when it comes to the restroom, but I do wonder if there’s any way to rectify the inequity. At the same time, I do admit it’s one of the things I find great about being a man: in and out, no fuss at all. I can discreetly do my thing out in the woods, for example. Flop it out, do my stuff, pack it back in, and away we go. You get the idea.

In some small venues, such as coffee shops and the like, I’ve seen unisex bathrooms, which I think are a godsend. It’s also great for the times when the janitor takes over the place, and sets out the infamous sign telling you the bathroom is closed. Not the best thing to see when you’re inventing the latest dance fad right outside the door, and you aren’t intentionally trying to do so. When it’s the usual segregated bathroom setup, there’s no real recourse. But with unisex bathrooms, you can just dash into the other restroom without any difficulty (unless you’re in one of those places with ONE bathroom, and no other facilities). Oh, and there’s always the woods…

I think unisex bathrooms are the way to go. But they’re coming along slowly– not every place has designated their necessaries with a unisex decal. Until then, there might not be a whole lot of equity when it comes to universal functions.

But there’s another possible solution: penis parity. No, I’m not envisioning surgeries, or other equally drastic or weird steps. Instead, there’s a new invention: the shenis.

THE SHENIS?!?!?!

Yep, you heard me right. The Shenis. We fellas have a penis. Some brilliant person out there borrowed that organic concept granted to roughly half the population and came up with a synthetic solution. Shenis.

It’s not a dildo– although I’m sure someone out there who has purchased one will probably try it for that purpose (although considering its length, that’s perhaps not adviseable!). Instead, it’s a 12-inch long gold sheath that should delight women everywhere. Go ahead, check it out here. Let me know what you think; have we reached penis parity, or what?

If we have, great. Maybe then those double-decker lines will shorten a bit. But the unisex bathrooms need to still be gender segregated to a degree. We guys do discreetly check out each others’ johnsons from time to time (not for Larry Craig-style thrills, thank you, but from the immature, primal need to be top dog). I don’t think many guys’ egos could withstand hauling their meat out and having the gal right next to them whip out a 12-incher. Then again, it’d give a whole new twist to pissing contests… *grin*

Ladies, have you tried it? If so, what do you think? Don’t be shy, now’s your chance to step up and tell all!

I’ve long wondered why the Dems won’t bother with impeachment. Sure, a good number of them talk a good game, but most either aren’t serious, or in the case of Nancy Pelosi, have stated that they’re not even going to bother with it. There are all kinds of reasons they throw out, and just about all of them aren’t worth reprinting, because they’re just excuses. Our Congressional representatives have abdicated their responsibility and if they aren’t going to pick up the ball, then we should have a Constitutional Convention to rewrite the document, and eliminate the sections dealing with impeachment. After all, in the past, impeachment has been used as a political tool, as a partisan football. In the one instance where impeachment was potentially going to be used (rightfully and judiciously, I might add), the potential impeachee saw the handwriting on the wall and resigned.

Now that we have leadership who deserve to be impeached, everyone’s treating impeachment like it’s a third rail. It isn’t– there’s quite a few of us out there who would have anyone’s back should they decide to follow through. Dennis Kucinich recently tried, and the Democrats tried to swat him down. Right now, his motion is in committee. I intend to help move it along for a variety of reasons.

Well,we’ve just been given another (good, and somewhat new… well, new to some people, I guess) reason to impeach: Richard Perle, one of the architects of our lovely, costly, and deadly romp in Iraq just admitted that the invasion of Iraq was illegal.

International lawyers and anti-war campaigners reacted with astonishment yesterday after the influential Pentagon hawk Richard Perle conceded that the invasion of Iraq had been illegal.

That’s just the opening paragraph, mind you. Most of us already knew it was illegal (and already saw it as a reason to impeach), and most of us already knew it was really about oil. It’s only been in the last few months that certain people have been uttering previously unutterable truths.

Speaker Pelosi? Madam Speaker? *ahem* Nancy? If starting an illegal war doesn’t constitute “high crimes,” then what does? Impeachment needs to be on the table, stat.