Hello! First of all, yeah, I know, I know– I’ve been gone a while. As Todd over at Triomphe L’oeil said after his own absence, “Real Life(tm) has a way of intruding…” The same is true for me. Think of the past month or so (actually, a bit longer, but who’s counting? Certainly not me… *innocent look*) as a very extended break from my monologues. If you enjoy my soliloquies, my apologies. The rest of you might have enjoyed the vacation from my opinionated posts. Then again, maybe I’m wrong…

One of my Deep Dark Secrets is that I do not have cable (requisite gasps from you). Yeah, I know, I know, but I really don’t see the need to spend $500+ annually for service. Most of the time, what’s on TV is a wasteland. The reception here isn’t all that good either, amazingly enough considering I’m in Los Angeles, so most of the time the TV is rarely on. It’s mostly used to watch DVDs. Depending on the kindness of strangers (and more often, friends) has been how I’ve viewed “must-see TV.”

But these days, I don’t really need to do that. The Golden, Silver, Bronze, Copper, Aluminum, Tin, and Brass Eras of television are churned out by the various studios and their accountants on DVD weekly now. This means I can watch anything from the complete seasons of “I Love Lucy” to the forgettable series that aired for two weeks last January. So watching all the “must-see TV” hasn’t been a problem of late. I’ve gotten addicted to “24″ and “Lost” like the rest of you– I’m just several months behind is all. It does mean I’ll never be able to partake of water-cooler discussions of what everyone saw last night, but since where I work doesn’t have a water cooler, it’s probably just as well.

However, it doesn’t mean I’m in the clear. Every year at this time (and throughout the year, really), I’m faced with a terrible problem every morning (it’s even worse, since I live in the heart of the world’s entertainment hub): averting my gaze from articles about shows I’m currently watching. It’s a pain, because sometimes it’ll be as innocuous as a salary dispute, but other times it’ll be an article that discusses what’s been happening on the show, what’s *going* to happen on the show, or what’s planned to happen on the show. 99% of the time, none of the authors or their publications are gracious enough to post at the very beginning of their exposé the words “Spoiler Ahead.” Nope, nine times out of ten, I don’t get that courtesy. Most of the time, I can quickly determine I need to skip that section of the page, but occasionally, I do end up accidentally stumbling on information I don’t want to possess at the moment, at least not until that information is safely encoded on DVD.

It’s worse for my walking partner; she’s a VERY fast reader (a natural gift she has), and she’s been burned in the past by learning stuff she’d rather not know. I’m concerned these days because tomorrow is the final episode of “The Sopranos.”

I suppose for a network show, I can’t complain too much– just about everyone has a TV, and since network television is “free,” everyone has equal access and opportunity to watch “Lost” or “Grey’s Anatomy” or any other “hot” show. But “The Sopranos” is on HBO, which is a cable channel. That means lots of folks don’t see the show the minute it airs, but wait til it’s out on DVD, months later. I don’t think it’s really fair that those of us that choose to wait, for whatever reason, to watch the show on DVD have to be exposed to the constant barrage of articles and pieces on the ultimate fate of Tony Soprano and his brood.

Thus far I’ve successfully shielded my eyes; I’ll just have to make it through the next couple of days without peeking, and then hopefully I’ll be home free. But in an era where pop culture references are sprinkled liberally everywhere in all kinds of essays, articles, and opinion pieces, I can’t guarantee I’ll be home free before HBO releases the second half of the final season for home viewing pleasure.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sign off now– I’ll be averting my gaze for the time being.