Cochlear Implant User - My Side

Well, wow, after about 5 hours worth of reading blogs about the deaf culture, I wish to say a few words of my own. I mentioned that I have cochlear implant, implanted when I was three. My dad really wanted me to hear and so that I could function well with the hearing people. I thought it was great having a cochlear implant throughout my elementary to first two years of high school. I guess it was because I had other people in the same oral program with cochlear implant and we formed our own group of sorts.

Then when I moved to Florida before my junior year started, I realized that Florida, or at least, where I live, is poorly educated about Real-Time, my main mode of getting information in the classroom setting in middle and high school. They tried to set up DragonPad, and Dragon naturally speaking, both voice to text software, and both didn’t work out. Then gave up, so I was basically left to fend for myself.

College came, same situation. And that was about the time my desire to learn ASL really grew. I mean, I’ve always wanted to learn to sign, but, of course as most people are familiar with the issue, my teachers, audiologists and parents discouraged me from seriously learning the language. So I only learned some signs for the fun factor. Just as one would with a foriegn language and not fully understanding it.

So, I got fed up with all the controversy and I deeply wish I would have learned ASL along with CI. I thought that if I learned to speak/listen first, then acquire signing soon after, it would make my parents feel better since that would pose no danger to my ‘language development.’ A lot of my friends in the oral program that I grew up with CI also agree that we should have learned ASL along with speaking. So I’m not alone in this. Unfortunately, I’m the last of that group who doesn’t fuly comprehend the Deaf Culture.

One reason for that is because I don’t have anyone to sign with, I don’t know any deaf people who doesn’t sign in SEE/PSE. I took a class in fall ‘06 at a deaf rehabilation center, to learn how to sign. What a joke. I mean, the instructor herself was deaf, but she uses SEE/PSE! I felt frustrated and I already knew all the signs she was teaching and I wanted to know the actual language.

All of this really makes me want to throw down my cochlear implant in anger and refuse to speak and listen. But I cannot do that for several reasons. No one knows how to sign, I don’t know how to sign, I rely heavily on speaking and listening, and most people never think that I am actually deaf because I speak so well as well as listen, especially for those I first speak to for the first time. But I have a friend, best friend I should say, of nearly twelve years who still lives where I came from before I moved to Florida (I lived in Michigan, Lansing area for your information,) she is majoring in ASL interpreter and because of her experience with me, she feels just as angry as I am about the whole deal with not being able to sign. So she actually understands quite well of the deaf community for some of the issues.

With her help, when I come up to Michigan for winter break, I will have a crash course in learning ASL. Then when I come back to MCC, I will refuse to wear cochlear implant if they don’t provide Real-Time. Which started it all today, of why I got this blog and reading all the information about the deaf culture in general.

It will be radical because they view Cochlear implant as a miracle for me, even I view this. I love the sounds I hear, I love being able to talk and listen. I treasure sounds too much, but I also treasure being a deaf person. So, most of the time, I am caught in the crossroads of both deaf and hearing world. I love both worlds, but please, don’t make me choose one. So, how do I fix such a problem in such a deaf culture wasteland?

Obligatory First Post

Hello, my name is Tiffany, but I prefer being called Rini online. I have what’s called Usher’s Syndrome, a genetic disorder where I am both deaf and legally blind (with retinitis pigmentosa). I have a cochlear implant and grew up with an oral program throughout my elementary and middle school. After that, I got sick of their school district and went to a mainstream school where I was the only deaf girl in high school. All my life since I was implanted (age three, before it was Federally approved for children), I’ve always had the desire to learn to sign, but my parents and teachers discouraged it, and when we did use sign language, it was treated as for fun. Like an English speaker would with French or Spanish without seriously learning the language.

And now, I have very minimal knowledge in signing, and when I took a class, it was taught in pidgin. Yeah right.

On top of that, being a person with both disability has made things even harder for me to communicate to other people, even to the deaf or the blind. So now I lead a very (excuse me if it sounds emo) lonely life. I cannot drive, I cannot communicate well with others and rely on my family and their friends for any social activities.

I’ll copy and paste of the poem I wrote about a month ago that perfectly describes how I feel about all of this in general:

Triangle of Worlds

I live like a normal girl
With ears that cannot hear
And with eyes like tunnels

Where do I fit on the triangle
Between the ‘normal people’
The deaf world and the
Community of the blind

You see, I’m not quite normal
Or am I quite deaf or even
Completely blind.

Act like my age, such as
I shop and dress up
Talk orally, though,
I slip up sometimes
Snowboarding down a hillside
I occasionally crash and fall

I cannot fully understand
The normal, deaf or the blind worlds
I don’t sign, I don’t use my cane
Or own a guide dog,

I can talk and listen,
Yet, I still miss conversations
Between normal people
I avoid groups like the plague

My limited vision lets me draw,
Play video games, rock climb and run
Yet, I crash into obvious obstacles
Or rely on someone in the dark

It takes me forever to spot someone
Who’s called my name, for I can only
Detect location with one ear and tunnel vision
And on top of that, I miss obvious objects
That are in plain sight, especially when I
Drop a pencil or a cell phone

I view sign language as something fun
Like a person would with French or Spanish
Not wholly serious with the second language
I learned braille in preparation for my future
Though I think it’s useless because
I may never truly lose my sight until
My hair turn white and lost all my teeth.

I hang out with people
Who has perfect hearing and vision
(At least, compared to mine)
Sometimes I envy them
For their ease of conversing in groups

I long to drive, just about
More than anything in my life
If I got my license, I would buy
Myself a red Hawaiian Jeep.
For I had that dream since I was nine.

You see, I have hopes and dreams
I have a religion, traditions, goes to school
Just like anyone else, I am normal
Actually, can you define normal?
So then, where do I belong on the
Triangle of Worlds?

—

So yeah, that’s me, Rini blogging. I have another blog on LiveJournal, but I don’t know how to import/export such journals… xml?