I should note, I am writing these sorts of articles hopefully for the benefit of parents of deaf children trying to decide what’s best for their children, by describing my experiences and thoughts. This isn’t a paean to self-pity; rather this is something I’m beginning to recognize now that I’ve been learning ASL for the past few months.
As a profoundly deaf person who was educated orally and who never learned any form of signing until well into adulthood, I’d like to point out how oralism limited my world.
What’s that you say? Limited? But look…good grades, university education, masters degree….A job, a mortgage and so on.
Sure. I got all those things. You know how I do it? I have to plan and control every aspect of my interactions with the hearing world, every day. I never just chat with people, I set up the circumstances to do so. At work? I know the few people I can contact if I need to call in sick. I go to my boss to discuss issues, and always, always follow up with a summary in email afterwards. If there’s a group meeting, I talk with people beforehand so I know what the issues are. The list is just endless.
Company for dinner? Just one or two people. Go out somewhere? Pick out the restaurants with good lighting and as little background noise as possible. Movies? Rent them on DVD later on. Meet with people face to face whenever possible, never on the phone. In fact, I delay many things that I should get done because it involves the phone. I’ve spent considerable time getting people to use texting or IM (I’m just a little older than the generation that seems to use all the computer communications naturally).
I’m very good at orchestrating all of this. I have decades of experience with all this. But I’m tired of it. And as I learn more ASL I begin to realize what it is I do in the hearing world. I realize why I like being online so much — I can participate in newsgroups, mailing lists, everything, exactly as other people do (getting trickier now that YouTube and other visual/audio material are becoming ever present).
I think temperamentally I would have been rather a bookworm and an introvert even if I had been hearing. I think that’s also part of why I did this for so long. I think an extrovert, a truly gregarious person, a person not that interested in reading, would have rebelled far sooner than I did.
Now, do understand that I am not saying the oralism was useless. Far from it, I’ve made considerable use of this. But it is limiting. I can’t relax and enjoy it. It is very structured, very focused, very demanding of all my energies and time. It is probably difficult for anyone who can hear to realize this, unless they spend time with deaf people. I am generally absolutely exhausted especially if I wind up spending the entire day in substantial interaction with people.
On the show Through Deaf Eyes, one woman mentioned that she doesn’t talk anymore, because it’s a two way street. People who hear you talk assume you can hear them talk. I never thought of it like that but she’s absolutely right. No one assumes I’m deaf. Instead, they assume I have mental problems or I’m an idiot when I can’t understand them. In this way, oralism is a double edged sword.
But as I learn…I’m starting to see how I’ve never been able to spontaneously join in on conversations. For the first time, I’m asking to have things repeated, not because I didn’t hear it (a problem I can never fix) but because the word is new to me (one that I can). I realize the amount of interaction and socializing that I’ve never had. I feel like my horizons are expanding. I spent an entire weekend yakking away to people and I wasn’t exhausted from the effort!
I just don’t understand this fear that learning ASL is supposed to limit me?
*nodding in agreement* Only if they understand that it’s the oralism that limits us, not sign language
Contact me thru this website:
http://www.egbertpress.com/ or email me,
EgbertPress@mac.com
I would like to mail you my book, MindField.
I grew up orally like you did and learned ASL later.
John F. Egbert
I’ve always felt that my world opened up tremendously the moment I moved into a co-ed dorm filled with deaf and hard of hearing students. I love that I can enjoy a variety of people who have a variety of communication modes– the possibilities of meeting people are now endless for me. I try to give that to my kids as well.
BEG,
Wow…. beautifully written! You touched me in ways that I am unable to express while I was raised orally, then learned sign language at age 17, my life had changed tremendously.
Now, in my 40’s - looking back - realizing how far I’ve gone and how comfortable I am with the social situations with my peers who are deaf and hard of hearing. I desire to interact with people who can hear, and I usually found in the company with people who are willing to sign. With this, we formed meaningful and ever-lasting relationships.
Now, did I remember my old friends I’ve ’structurally’ interacted during my formative years when I didn’t learn sign language?
No, I didn’t.
I did not maintain touch with my classmates during my elementary and secondary years, because of one obvious reason, we did not have any meaningful conversations or friendships.
Do I regret this? Yes, I do.
Why did I regret? These people who were my classmates, are part of my ‘history’ and that part is forever lost.
Learning sign language at age of 17, that was during my junior year, and I finally developed many friends afterwards and beyond.
Yes, living with oralism is extremely limiting. It isolates us more than you ever realize.
Oralism is a belief system where the professionals in deaf education wants to teach deaf children how to use our speech skills and utilize residual hearing to ‘function’ in a larger mainstream society.
Basically, that means this system is quite attractive to parents and the society, and sometimes, this system is successful in assimilating Deaf people to ‘blend’ in with people who can hear.
What is ‘blending in’ means? We appear less ‘deaf’ among them, but we are even more ‘deaf-er’/limiting in spontaneous social experiences.
I used the ‘we’ part because I, myself, can relate this with you too. Then it became ‘we’… you and I.
We need to tell our stories out there that people who are raised orally ’successfully’ are always feeling something is truly missing.
The missing part… is … having… American Sign Language as a part of our being… the sense of acceptance, belonging and confidence.
Thank you so much for beautiful essay, BEG.
I’d love to have one-on-one conversation with you very soon.
Amy Cohen Efron
You know … that occurred to me while I was working on my review of TDE that you recommended I write. Certainly not in the depth with which you’re thinking about it.
But even just starting that first time you mentioned this to me about 13 years ago (that you can’t enjoy 15-person sized conversations because it just not possible and a hell of al ot of work besides), I’ve been mulling this.
I’ve been mulling the ergonomics of ASL-style conversations (seating, tables, chairs, some stuff I mentioned when I was talking about Eyeth). The reason I’ve been thinking about this was because of that experience at SW.
And damn it, I realized that not only are big, rolling, wandering conversations like that possible in ASL, but that that weekend was the first goddamned experience you’d had participating fully in that sort of thing! And you’re frigging 41!
Okay, so it wasn’t fully fully. You’re not fluent yet. But christ on a pogo stick, it’s just not fair that you had to wait until you were 41 before you could participate in one of thsoe “hop around at random” style conversations with no limitations. It just sort of set me back in my seat a bit when I realized it.
Another thing you’ve noticed that I thought was interesting, too: now, hearing people are asking you, “What did s/he say?” instead of the other way around. You know more ASL than I do since you watch more vlogs. So I’m going, “What did s/he say?” to you a lot now — role reversal!
I hate being so busy from work anymore. I get home, and I’m like, “ZOMG I do NOT want to think.” We should do a dinner once a week before I drive back from work to practice. Silent dinner.
Hey BEG,
Once again, another classic post from you… I can definitely relate to this!
What makes this post all the more powerful is that you’ve now had a taste of “the other side” — the world of ASL. The scary thing about all of the oralist stress you described is: many of us go through that and think we’re doing great, because we have no frame of reference.
Only after we become part of the signing deaf community are we truly able to look back and say “Oh my god, I worked so HARD to get by in the hearing world. Why didnt anyone tell me this before?” (This, by the way, is the main theme in my first book, Deaf Again. I never get tired of repeating it! LOL)
Keep up the great work with your fantastic, eye-opening posts. Am really enjoying this…
Best regards,
Mark
The sad thing is that many orally trained deaf people continue to deny that they have problems, and they continue to live the same way as usual. Strong denial? Strong belief system that they are “better” than those lowly people who use sign language? What make them to be stuck in that? That always amazes me. I was trained orally, and I had strong belief system like that. The final straw was at my hearing high school where I had no one to talk with because I could not carry simple communication at all. Since then, I swore to myself to learn ASL and adopt deaf culture. Looking back on that, I am so glad because my life has been so rich since then. If I could talk fluently, probably I would never go to deaf college and be like you living the life as much as possible.
Bless you for putting it so eloquently! Oralism is a religion that some people fear giving up, fearing unknown things if they dare to permit signs into their lives. If only they knew….
Wow BEG n Amy beautifully said, I can really relate to you both, thinking of those times wishing we could turn the clock back abit… I grew up orally since 18 months till I finally exposed to Sign Language around my late 20s.(was too stubborn not wanting to sign finally gave in it was the best thing).. A big adjustment on many levels with many struggles probably to this day of not knowing which the best way for me.. I don’t see anything wrong being orally as like my mom said I have the best of both world which can benefit me having a good balance.. I admired you and BEG for coming out as we have to be open about it. The gift we have shouldn’t be diminished from our lives.. I would say it’s very powerful experience for all of us.. We could never be ashamed of who are or what we’ve become…
Amy’s quote: The missing part… is … having… American Sign Language as a part of our being… the sense of acceptance, belonging and confidence.
Bless all your hearts for coming to this point. Hope we can talk more about this as well… (please you can contact me if you want BEG as well Amy too) smile..
S. (Ontario, Canada)
I join the other commenters thanking you, BEG, for this commentary. This is very important. And I want to say a personal WELCOME to the Deaf signing world, and will do my best to support you in your journey in mastering ASL and becoming more and more comfortable just being Deaf and a normal human being with normal preferences and errors in how to use a natural language. Your experience is valuable. Again thank you.
Hi, Thank you for sharing this with us, and especially with Parents of Deaf children.
I wanted to tell you that I appreciate that you said that it is not right that we label ourselves that we are oral success or oral failure. We should said we were orally educated. Thank you…
Like Ella said,I look forward your journey in mastering ASL and becoming Deaf. I know you don’t like to use a capital D. In my eyes, I already see you as Deaf. I don’t see you as pathogical but cultural view. You have our support.
Please keep writing.. Your a beautiful writer.
Aidan
Hi, I read your blog about oralism. My background is very similar to yours… when I first attended NTID at the age of 22, after having going to a hearing college for three years (successfully mainstreamed, but lonely anyway), I found sign language freeing and I made friends and I grew more comfortable with myself. Now I am in early 40’s, I really have no regrets that I learned oralism (I don’t carry grudges… I just say that my upbringing made me who I am and I am in a good spot in helping my deaf children to succeed, since I already know the pros and cons of mainstreaming, etc.)
There will always be some deaf people who are “rigid”… you will meet many deaf people who are more accepting of orally raised deaf people. You reflect us (meaning orally raised people), that we are BILINGUAL, having experiences with hearing world and deaf world… an advantage that not many people have.
Welcome home.
That is what happens when an oral person starts to learn ASL, their world is kinda of turned upside down, you get to thinking back and reflect on how you went through and that ASL makes your world much easier place to navigate. I went through all of that when I started learning ASL in high school. I remember my mom crying when we had a parent/teacher conference because they were telling her how much my self-confidence and self-esteem had grown and that I was much happier using ASL. When I saw my mom crying, I felt awkward because I never saw her crying in public and it was the first time so it was a “breakthrough.
Thanks for sharing your story and as always, it has to be the other way around, we need to make sure that deaf children have access to ASL and then parents can see how much they can navigate more without having to plan ahead or limit themselves.
Like other commenters said, the experience you have described represents us who grew up in an oral environment. So oftenly one has to guess, struggle in joining the conversation and not exactly feeling natural with spoken English.Your essay is beautifully written with a clear message that oralism has limits.
So having access to deafread allows us to discuss, express, and analyze the process of deafhood. There are no limits in this world and I anticipate for the future conventions where we all can meet and interact. No more struggles or guessing once ASL is introduced and used. Opportunites to develop ASL is the key where we enjoy the interaction and accessibility.
Found ACE’s comment about blending in and trying to appear “less deaf” and hence sticking out even more quite interesting …
It just reminded me of one woman at the lunch table at the signing weekend who didn’t know that BEG was deaf. No HAs, and everyone was signing, so it just didn’t come up or become obvious. Here people bend over backwards to teach deaf kids to speak because they’ll “blend in,” and (possibly) the first time that BEG’s deafness essentially vanished was at a signing weekend.
I’m certainly not saying taht deafness should “vanish” nor am I saying that it can be sold to worried parents that it will make your kid “less deaf,” but it really does bring home the fact that deafness is only a disability relative to the hearing majority. I know that people are beginning to say the same thing about blindness and unusual body structure and whatnot, but it really seems to be the case with deafness. When everyone could communicate easily, it’s not that they didn’t care that EG was deaf. They didn’t even know. It didn’t even exist.
Anyone who wonders whether or not deafness is a disability or a culture (or just a different way of being human) should experience that. It really settles the whole question once and for all.
Communication –> language –> culture. Period.
Mental problems, idiocy… can I add “sometimes they think you’re on drugs” to that list? I had one guy who, when he found out I was deaf, said, “Oh! From the way you talked and how you responded, I thought you were on drugs.” *sheesh*
As others have said, quite a few of us can relate to your experiences, since we’ve gone a similar route. Keep up the excellent writing, and good luck with your journey as you figure out where you feel most comfortable in the land of communication.
Some people thought I was a foreigner because I spoke different.
Yes I hope you will enjoy your journey.
Interesting analysis about being an introvert and how being one possibly may have limited your ability to find something that worked “whole” for you sooner (ASL, deaf community, etc). I believe in serendipity. Bloggers have lured you into a new realm of possibilities and you have discovered your own steps and journey. And by doing so, you will pay it forward and you have. Like for instance, my cat loves to sit on my lap. So when she sits there, she allows my high blood pressure to drop and I’m a much happier person. We both feed on each other. Sometimes I don’t want her on my lap and drop her but she never not comes back. And she is one of the best cats I’ve had. I didn’t pick her. My ex got her in Texas and after the divorce, she wanted to stay with me. That’s serendipity.
I want to thank all of you who read & responded to this post. I was a little hesitant about sending it out, since it’s so ingrained into me not to “whinge” about things. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of months and for me that eventually translates into writing
John: Thank you for the book offer…I look forward to reading it!
Amy: Absolutely! This issue of “passing” is a really nasty, precarious slope to be on. The problem here is that a deaf person will never, ever, actually completely pass. They will always be faking it. But if you’re close, if you can almost do it, you can spend years reaching for that, and oblivious to the real issues. Would love to talk with you f2f sometime, though my signing isn’t really up to speed yet.
Janis: You’re right — I’m not deaf when people are signing. In fact, in signing conversations, the question comes up — Are you hearing or deaf? Because there’s no way to tell. That doesn’t happen in audio conversations. It’s a very strange feeling, I tell you.
Mr Sandman and Peachlady: Yes, yes! I have had those, too! Arrrgh! Better watch out for those “tipsy foreigners”
I won’t ever give up my oral abilities. But I see them for what they are now: tools in a tool box. Tools, nothing more. Unquestionably useful. But there’s much more to life than that toolbox! I’m turning around from the workbench and finally spotting the playground behind me
Hm. Thinking about this quote:
What is ‘blending in’ means?
Blending means that WE don’t notice you. It means WE don’t have to be made aware that people anywhere are different. It means WE get to remain in the luxury of ignorance.
It doesn’t mean anything positive for you, certainly — and ultimately, it doesn’t means anything positive for us, either. (Us being hearing people, natch.) Being allowed to languish in ignorance is not a positive.
But that’s all blending is — don’t disturb the hearies’ ignorance. It’s all blending is for any minority. If you’re a woman in a male-dominated profession, don’t be too obviously female. If you’re black, try to mimic white culture. If you’re gay, don’t hold hands in public with anyone. If you’re deaf, nod, smile and pretend you heard. *sigh*
Blending in == Don’t disturb the majority’s ignorance.
BEG, you’re exactly right. Being able to speak is a tool in a tool box that could be used or not, including ASL. Then turning around to work from the workbench and spotting that playground. Very nice!
I am a hearing person learning ASL. I am also preparing a speech on the aspects of forced oralism on Deaf people and the limitations it causes those who are Deaf…as well as those who are hearing. I thank you for the information and experiences you shared. I very much agree with everyone in the Deaf world when it comes to oralism. It should be a choice of whether you use it or not. The Deaf should never be forced to speak rather than sign. It is an unnatural way for the Deaf to communicate. In my opinion, the hearing schools should mandate ASL as part of their required curriculums so instead of you being forced to communicate with us in our language, we can speak to you in yours without the need for interpreters or the “paper and pen” method, or even speechreading. I feel the most effective way to speak to a Deaf person is in ASL.
I know that in history, oralism played a role in the curriculum of schools established for the Deaf…and it never worked. Even for people who learned to speak well…after leaving the institutions, the reverted back to their natural language…ASL. I just want to know why hearing people still insist on trying to enforce something that doesn’t work.
P.S. In the hearing world, I’m sure you always hear that it is YOU that is disabled…hearing impared, I believe is the “politically correct” term. In manners of speaking, shouldn’t we be saying that hearing are Deaf impared? There is no disability in Deafness.